Life Is Comedy Central

Nope, that’s true. I’m fine. Life is Comedy Central.

I’ve come to the conclusion that “ignorance is bliss” is far underrated.

You don’t want to know anything.

Education is a horrible disease.

People say, “Listen to yourself. That’s actually pretty smart.”

I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THAT.

Now I’m depressed because I’m smart enough to recognize the problem and not smart enough to fix the damn thing.

You’re better off knowing absolutely nothing.

Then the sun is always shining.

That emergency hospital is probably going to send me an $11,000 bill.

I don’t want to know that.

Unfortunately, I know that.

I also know they didn’t fix the problem.

I know why, too. The whole system is buried under red tape, regulations, procedures, insurance rules, and twelve people who apparently need permission from thirteen other people before anybody can do anything.

Again—I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THAT.

Ignorance was working perfectly fine.

I guess I’ll drive to Walmart, sit in the parking lot for an hour, stare through the windshield, and tell everybody:

“I’ll be back in a few moments.”

Where am I going?

Nobody knows.

Maybe I’ll find a drug dealer selling Valium.

At least he probably doesn’t need prior authorization.

Doctors won’t give it to you because they’re worried you might become addicted.

So eventually the good news is:

“Congratulations, Elvis. You died with absolutely no addictions.”

“Well, that’s wonderful. Did we ever fix the pain?”

“No.”

“Could the Valium have helped?”

“Possibly.”

“Well, can I have some now?”

“No. You’re dead.”

“Oh.”

“But don’t worry. You’re going to Disneyland in the sky.”